Its Not You, It's Us: A Look At Social Health

One of the recurring, visceral images that kept creeping into my mind when we started Soulbound was of a pond, filled with toxic sludge, and someone (a therapist?) handing everyone protective gear to help them cope with swimming in the pond. I kept thinking - why are we trying to help people cope with this environment, why not focus on cleaning it up?
Maybe you feel it too, this pervasive toxic environment we live in. Here are some of the toxins we're swimming in daily:

• Fear: Breaking news alerts about potential disasters, terrorist threats, and climate catastrophes flooding our phones
• Sadness: Constant exposure to global conflicts, environmental destruction, and revelations of historical injustices
• Anger: Polarizing political discourse and inflammatory media coverage
• Hopelessness: Dire economic forecasts and predictions of societal collapse
• Envy: Carefully curated social media feeds showing seemingly perfect lives
• Unhappiness: Sophisticated marketing that promises happiness through consumption while leaving us feeling empty

Whether it's from the onslaught of headlines and social media, or it's coming from somewhere else, the world doesn't feel like a calm, serene pool we're swimming in.

Sociologists use the term "social health" to describe this phenomenon, though sometimes more narrowly. Psychology Today defines social health as "the aspect of overall well-being that stems from connection and community. It’s about having close bonds with family and friends, enjoying a sense of belonging to groups, and feeling supported, valued, and loved.".

With the advent of phones, social media, and increasingly alarmist headlines, it can feel like events happening on the other side of the world or to complete strangers on Instagram are part of our "community" - and it's taking its toll.  As a father of four kids, I can tell you that their definition of "community" is completely foreign to what my 16-year old definition was - it's much broader, intangible, digital... and hopeless.

When we feel overwhelmed by these negative emotions, we typically view it as a personal mental health issue. This leads us to seek individual solutions:

• Mental health interventions like meditation and journaling
• Physical health solutions like exercise and nature walks
• Individual coping mechanisms and self-care practices

And to some extent, these approaches work. Training our minds helps us cope better, and physical activity releases endorphins that improve our mood... but we're still swimming in toxic sludge.

I propose we need to fundamentally rethink how we categorize social health. Instead of viewing it as a subset of mental health, we should consider it as the third pillar of "Whole Health," alongside physical and mental health. Here's why:

1. Physical Health: Our biological and physiological processes – how our body parts interact and function.
2. Mental Health: Our cognitive and psychological processes – from brain chemistry to thought patterns.
3. Social Health: Our environmental and emotional processes – how we interact with and are affected by our surroundings, relationships, and support systems.

These three pillars are deeply interconnected. Social health manifests physically through symptoms like increased heart rate or dry mouth in social situations. It affects our mental health through anxiety or racing thoughts. Recognizing social health as a distinct component helps us understand and treat it more effectively.

The key difference with social health is that it's not a personal issue – it's collective. When we have physical or mental health problems, we seek individual treatments. But social health is different – it's not a "me" problem, it's a "we" problem.

Consider this thought experiment: If we all lived in a utopian village where everyone was friendly, optimistic, and safe – where all our needs were met and we could pursue our true calling without fear of failure or judgment – how would this affect our overall health? This isn't about imagining such a place; it's about creating it within our existing communities.

The place to start is with our closest social circles – our family, friends, and co-workers. Our theory at Soulbound is that by transforming these immediate environments to mirror aspects of that utopian village, we can counteract larger social pressures.  The same article referenced above highlights the importance of our social health and the need to treat it as a separate component to whole health:

Research supports this approach:

• Studies show loneliness can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes daily
• The Harvard Happiness Study, running for over 80 years, demonstrates that strong social connections are the strongest predictor of life satisfaction and longevity

To evaluate your social health, consider these four key questions:

From your perspective:

1. Do people in your social groups know the REAL you, including your vulnerabilities?
2. Can you genuinely turn to them for support when needed?

From others' perspective:

1. Do you truly know the authentic selves of those in your social groups?
2. Do they feel they can turn to you for support?

If the answer to any of these four questions is not YES, you might need to work on your social health.  Importantly, the work isn't something you need to do - it's not a ME or THEM problem.  In fact, changing who you are, or asking them to change who they are is the opposite of knowing the real person.  The work is on US.

We believe that our perception of social health is both a mirror and a window.  We need to feel accepted, heard, understood, and supported.  But we also need to feel that others feel supported by us - that we accept, hear, and understand them.  It's not a one-way relationship (which is why the work is on US and not ME).

This presents a challenge and an opportunity.

The challenge is it's not something you can work on alone.  Unlike mindfulness or working out, boosting our social health (or soulfulness, as we call it) requires two or more people, working together.  And while grabbing a coffee, going for a walk, or playing a game together might give you the social boost you both need, it might not.

Playing a game like How's The Water? and going beyond the surface increases your chances of having a more meaningful experience - almost guaranteeing an increase in soulfulness and social health.

The opportunity is that everyone benefits when you make the effort.  Your social health is improved along with the people you're with.  Which makes all of you happier, healthier, and live longer.  We call that soulfulness.

And that's not all.

Have you ever caught yourself smiling during the heart-warming part of a movie?  That's because, like anger and fear, soulfulness is contagious.  Spending quality time with family, friends, and co-workers has a ripple effect that leaves you happier, more open to collaboration, and more infectious to the people around you.  When you invest in social health, you're not just helping yourself; you're contributing to a healthier social environment for everyone around you.

Hopefully this article has given you some things to think about and convinced you that investing in your social health pays off - it makes you physically healthier, mentally healthier, benefits the people you care about, and the people you interact with.  In today's sometimes toxic environment, it might just be the remedy you didn't know you needed.

In future articles we'll continue to explore social health and ways you can boost social health for you and the people you care about.