What Is Soulfulness? Why Does It Matter?

In the previous post I explored the concept of social health - the impact of our surroundings on our mental and physical health - and how it can often feel like we're swimming in toxic sludge.  Popular treatments or activities to combat the negative feelings caused by negative social pressure include solitary activities like journalling or meditating.  These "mindfulness" activities can help us feel less anxious, but they address the symptoms of social stresses, not the root cause.

As we searched for a term that addressed the root cause, we stumbled upon "soulfulness".  While there are many definitions of soulfulness, we like this one the best:

Soulfulness is the feeling of deep connection with our environment and the people in it.

Where mindfulness is about looking inward, soulfulness is about searching outward, and building stronger connections with the places we live, work, and play, and the people we spend time with.  In short, when our social cup feels empty, we can fill it by spending quality time with the people and places we care about.

Just as supreme court justice Potter Stewart replied when asked to describe pornography, "I'm not sure how to describe it, but I know it when I see it", soulfulness isn't easy to describe, but "you know it when you feel it".  It's the feeling of being "complete", or "filled up".  It's the collective feeling after a great music concert, after watching your favorite team's uncertain victory, or spending quality time with friends after a long absence.  It makes us feel like, despite everything, "the world is good".

When we feel soulful, the external stuff in the wider world doesn't feel so suffocating.

How To Practice Soulfulness

As we explored the concept of soulfulness with psychologists and mental health experts, we realized there are some things we can all do to promote more soulfulness in our lives:

1. Show Up

The first step to greater soulfulness is showing up - both physically and mentally - at the places and for the people we care about.  Showing up means being fully present.  It means putting away our concerns, our plans, and our phones, and being aware of what's happening around us.  Our attention is a gift - for both ourselves and the people we spend time with.

2. Be Curious

The second step to soulfulness is checking in with the people we're with.  It's being curious about how they're really doing, and suspending judgement.  When we're present and curious, "How are you doing?" and "I'm fine" don't fit.  Because the intention is to learn more about who we are, in the moment.

3. Be Kind

If you have kids -- and especially girls -- you'll know that one of their biggest challenges is that they feel constantly judged.  What they wear and how they act is judged by peers, parents, teachers, boys, adults, strangers -- at school, in public, and online.  ALL THE TIME.  Maybe we all feel that way, to a lesser degree.

But here's the thing... we're all just trying to figure it out and do the best we can.  To be soulful is to be kind -- especially to the people closest to us (including ourselves).  We can be the "non-judgement zone", the place where people can let down their guard and just be them, as their true selves.  As we like to say at Soulbound, "people rise -- or fall -- to the level we make them feel".  Let's lift each other up.

4. Believe

If there's one thing you can count on in this turbulent world, it's the people you care about most.  Like in the popular parable (often attributed to the Cherokees) of the two wolves: "There are two wolves who battle in each of us, one is doubt and one is confidence.  The wolf that wins is the one you feed."  There will be conflicts, tensions, challenges -- like in any relationship -- but at the core of the groups we rely on most, there must be "belief", in each other, and collectively.  In the words of Ted Lasso: "It will all work out.  Maybe not the way we think it will, or we hope it will, but it will all work out.  Our job is to let go and enjoy the journey."

This is Soulfulness

If each of us can practice showing up, being curious, being kind, and believing in the people we live, work, and play with, we can be a shelter in a storm and a sense of grounding and stability for the people who need us most.

Because every one of us has someone who is struggling in our life, and they need us now more than ever.